Joke: Dictionary for decoding women’s personal ads

Another awesome contribution from our contributing famous editor:

40-ish…………………………........49.
Adventurous…………………......Slept with everyone.
Athletic…………………………......No breasts.
Average looking………………...Moooo.
Beautiful………………………….....Pathologica l liar.
Emotionally Secure…………..On medication.
Feminist…………………………......Fat.
Free spirit………………………....Junkie.
Friendship first………………….Former slut.
New-Age………………………….......Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned…………………....No BJs.
Open-minded…………………......Desperate.
Outgoing…………………………......Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional……………………....Bitch.
Voluptuous……………………......Very Fat.
Large frame…………………….....Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate……………....Stalker.